Live the Dream

"We are a community of achievers, champions of success, inspirational leaders and victorious warriors on the battlefields of excellence. Our mission is to place a positive message on our clothing and give greater voice to those succeeding and living their dreams. We challenge you to join us as we publicly and positively dispute the rising tides of mediocrity, and become conquerors, fighters, dreamers, and castle builders. The question is:

ARE YOU PREPARED?"

The above is from the website of Live the Dream, which is actually a clothing company started by a former Abercrombie & Fitch designer.  The clothes put forth a positve message of persistence and strength... for example, they have one t-shirt that says "Action Overcomes Fear".  The founder, Blake Kuhn, and his fiancee Chelsea Brown truly believe in their message of living your dreams, positivity and "fighting the rising tides of mediocrity", as is evidenced not only by their clothing line but by their blog on the Live the dream website.

This is something I believe in too, so I feel that this is a venture worthy of my support.

Their website can be found here...

http://www.golivethedream.com/

They also have a Facebook group you can join if you're so inclined...

http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=43618743975&ref=mf

Acknowledgements

I finished my novel today.

This is a pretty big deal in that I really didn't know that I would ever get it done.  Yet somehow I did it.  I've had my fair share of challenges and heartache of late.  Rather than letting all that break me, I poured everything I could into my writing.  I say this not to brag.  I say this to remind all of you that, the next time your life is full of challenges and you feel overwhelmed, you can use that negative energy, turn it on it's head and accomplish something.  I do know there's still a long road ahead of me.  Many revisions are at hand, I'm sure.  Then there's the issue of (gulp) trying to find and agent and see if some publisher actually might think it worthy. There's the Chinese proverb that says, "the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."  Granted, I have taken a big step, but there are still many miles ahead

I encourage you to read the acknowledgments below.  Whether or not the novel actually gets published I do believe that the people who had something to do with it being written deserve some sort of public kudos, so here you go.

You may wonder about this nameless "angel" that I pour such effusive praise on. This is someone that has had an enormous positive impact on my life.  I was at a low ebb of self-confidence and this person was able to lift me back up, force me to take a good, hard look in the mirror and push me back to where I was truly in the thick of life, a place I had not been in many, many years.  We should all have an angel of our own at some point in our lives, someone who believes in you and is proud of you no matter what, someone who can make you believe in yourself again, no matter what damage the years and miles have wrought.  It really doesn't matter if this person is in your life for a day, a month or your whole life.  They will generally appear when needed.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

A great many people have had something to do with the writing of this, my first novel.  I will try to remember all of you.

Always first and foremost, there's my boys, Peter, David and Jonathan.  Guys, if you're reading this, that means you really can do anything you set your mind to.  Told you so!

Then there's my angel... you are forever my best friend, my cheering section and my muse.  You helped me find the best parts of me again, things I thought were forever lost. You taught me how to turn bad into good and reminded me that I actually do deserve to achieve my dreams.  I can honestly say that without you, this novel would never have been completed. I told you that you were going to make me famous and remember, there's always going to be a place in my heart that's yours and yours alone.

To my "little sister" Carrie and her husband Bill, my other best friends.  Your friendship means the world to me. I'd say "may all your dreams come true", but that's already happening.

To Christina and Jennifer, there are parts of this story that are dedicated to you guys. You both know which ones they are.

To my mom and dad...thanks for believing in me and encouraging me.

To Barry Eisler and Joseph Finder.  Your writing continues to entertain and gives me something to aspire to.  Thanks also for encouraging us budding writers and being all-around good guys.

To my Facebook friends, especially Penny, Peggy and Shalom.  Thanks for all your inspiration and encouragement.

To Michelle, the best teacher/ soldier I know.  Thanks for your unceasing positive attitude and research help.

Just as important, this novel is dedicated to everyone who ever wanted to change their life and took the chance to grow through adversity.  I did it and so can you!

Best Day Ever!

Yesterday I found out that one of my short stories, "Dark Matter", will be published in the next edition of Foliate Oak, the literary magazine of the University of Arkansas at Monticello. This is a pretty big deal, as that will be my first published work.
That evening I was invited to Nan's Piano Bar in downtown Davenport, Iowa. I had the rare opportunity to listen to (and meet!) local jazz legend Manny Lopez. He's on the trumpet.

I will try to get a video up soon.

2009: So Far

Back in December I proposed we all “press the reset button” and start anew at the advent of the new year. I proposed we make this the best year we possibly can and certainly strive to make it better than 2008. I made no secret of the fact that 2008 was not my best year ever, for a variety of reasons, so making 2009 better wouldn’t be all that hard a task... at least not in my case.
So how are we doing?
I would have to say that I’m doing quite well. It turns out that I’m made of much sterner stuff than I had imagined. I faced one challenge that I honestly thought would turn me into a piece of human flotsam and pretty well conquered it. All it took was some heaping doses of emotional control and positive psychology.
So yes, I’ve been mindful of and taken control of my attitude. I’ve learned the lessons I needed to from my mistakes and setbacks. There’s no doubt I’m on the right path, it’s merely a question of how long that path is and what’s at the other end. Ultimately I’ve wrested back control of my life from the emotional ups and downs and negativity of myself and others. Simply put, I’m starting to win.

I should probably also address one other blog post, the one entitled “Good Guys and Bad Guys”.
I was talking to a friend of mine, bemoaning the fact that the “bad guys” in my life seemed to be winning. She reminded me that they don’t win in the long-term. Turns out she really was right after all.
One of these bad guys I was alluding to recently had his ass handed to him in such a severe, spectacular fashion that even I feel sorry for him (and given the circumstances, that’s really saying something). As a matter of fact, all the individuals I referenced have since experienced some sort of metaphorical beatdown. I may not yet have the vindication that I want or need, but I can at least have some sort of satisfaction that the universe is starting to right itself somewhat.

One final note: I’m sorry that I have to address these situations in such an oblique fashion, but I do have to be mindful of privacy issues, both on behalf of myself and others. However, I think it’s important to demonstrate that bad situations can right themselves and that we can put ourselves on a more positive path, both with just a little effort.

Injustice

"Life is not easy for any of us. But what of that? We must have perseverance and, above all, confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something, and that this thing, at whatever cost, must be attained"
Marie Curie, Chemist

Some time ago a friend of mine went to a fortune teller who told her that she would face a lot of "injustice" in her life.
Well, duh.
We will all face injustice throughout our lives, of different kinds and to varying degrees. That's a given, just as we will all get unexpected bounties in different ways. The point, however, is not whether we will face these things but how we face them. Will we let life's latest smackdown break us and turn us into something less than we should be? Will we go the opposite route and become stronger, better and maybe learn a lesson from what's transpired? This is the proverbial fork in the road... this is a chance to learn what we're made of.
I can't make that choice for you, obviously, it's completely up to you. Just remember what you just read the next time life throws you an unexpected curveball that knocks the wind out of you.

The Choice, Part One

“The last of human freedoms - the ability to chose one's attitude in a given set of circumstances.”

The above quote is from Victor Frankl, who was imprisoned in a Nazi concentration camp and subsequently wrote the the classic book, "Man's Search For Meaning".
Please understand that I by no means compare myself to someone who spent time in Aushwitz. I will say that I've had my share of challenges of late, something that I've been pretty open about. I could sit here and be angry and bitter and probably be justified in doing so. I could wallow in self-pity and let you pat me on the back and say, "there, there Jim, that's okay."
Thanks, but no thanks.
I choose the better alternative, the high road if you will. I choose to be positive. I choose to forge ahead rather than live in the past.
You can too.
I've seen too many people who choose to be consumed by bitterness and self-pity, and I've seen what it does to them. I've seen how people live in the past and how it darkens the spirit. Rather than that, use the negatives, learn from them and become stronger because of them (not in spite of them, because of them).
Think of it this way... if Victor Frankl can choose his attitude while in a concentration camp, there's absolutely no reason that you and I can't.

The Choice, Part Two

"I will not sacrifice the Enterprise. We've made too many compromises already; too many retreats. They invade our space and we fall back. They assimilate entire worlds and we fall back. Not again. The line must be drawn here! This far, no further! Captain Jean-Luc Picard, "Star Trek: First Contact"

Yesterday I addressed the fact that we all have the ability to choose our attitude (and by extension, our outcome). I could choose to be angry and bitter about a few thngs, but I'm taking the alternative. Easier said than done, I know. You might have those days where your frustration threatens to overwhelm you, those days when it's very, very hard to maintain that positve attitude.
What then?
You could take a page from the Captain Picard playbook and draw a line in the sand. Use that anger and frustration, do a little mental aikido and turn it on its head. Turn it into determination that you won't take anymore crap, that this is the baseline moment where things turn around.
That little moment right there, that's a big victory for you. When you control your attitude you control your life... that's when you start to win and that's when the people and situations that are trying to get you down lose.
Simple as that.

The Christmas Spirit

“I just don’t have the Christmas spirit,” she said and sighed.
“What does that mean?” I asked, trying to challenge her a little bit.
“I don’t know,” she shrugged. “But whatever it is, I don’t have it. And I should.”
“You should, huh?” I asked. “According to who?”
Just then a car came by, headed in the opposite direction. Multi-colored lights dangled inside from the car’s ceiling. We laughed.
“That guy has the Christmas spirit,” I said.
Minutes later we turned down a side street and saw a stop sign wrapped in a pine garland. Maybe not as cool as the guy with the dangling Christmas lights in his car, but I still managed a smile. About a block or so later we saw an almost palatial brick home, draped with Christmas lights. Curiously, the display also included a neon palm tree along with a couple pink flamingoes. We chuckled at this “Christmas in paradise” theme.

I drove home and uncharacteristically didn’t turn on the radio or my mp3 player. It was just me and my thoughts. So my friend didn’t have this mysterious “Christmas spirit”, whatever that was. Did I? I couldn’t honestly say, because I didn’t really have a handle on what that was. I thought about the events of the past year or so… good things, bad things and maybe even some wonderful things. It was very easy for me, at least at that point, to make a case that I had pretty much had my ass handed to me by the events of the past few months.
I was almost home when another friend called me, responding to a voice mail I had left the day before. We exchanged the usual pleasantries and then I proceeded to tell him that a former co-worker of ours had just spent a few months in prison for a felony charge of “obstructing justice”.
“You know,” he said, and I could picture him shaking his head ruefully,”that guy’s gonna spend the rest of his life in and out of prison.”
I had to agree.

It was about 1:30am and I was about halfway through a “Walker, Texas Ranger” rerun. Despite the fact that I was tired to the bone, I simply couldn’t get to sleep. I flashed back to a conversation I had earlier that evening with another friend.
“I’m just going to hold on to some hope for a little while,” I said. “Maybe I need that right now.”
Ah-ha. That was it.
That’s the Christmas spirit. Hope. Even the more secular, cynical and jaded among us can choose hope.
Hope for the future.
Hope for our children.
Hope for peace.
Hope for happiness.
Hope for those who need it.
Christmas is the season of hope. That’s a gift you can give both to others and yourself.

Responsibility

In my previous blog post, I made reference to taking responsibility versus taking blame. Yes, there is a difference. First of all responsibility is a positive thing. Taking responsibility is means you have some control over, at least, your reaction to the situation and hopefully the outcome. Blame has a much more negative connotation, plus (to me at least) there’s nothing there other than the blame itself… it gets placed on one party or another and that’s that. Blame has no power other than making you resentful at yourself or others. When you take responsibility you give yourself power and control.
It’s occurred to me that I’ve approached this whole responsibility/ blame dichotomy in exactly the opposite way I should have. I’ve become aware I’ve blamed myself for things that are not really my fault. I’ve blamed others for, among other things, how I feel about myself and my life. Basically, I’ve blamed myself for the very things I should take responsibility for as well as things that were simply not my fault.
Tsk, tsk.
When I take responsibility for my life, inside and out, that’s when I can start to effect change and make progress. All blame does, whether it’s directed at yourself or at others, is breed negative emotions (and usually a fair amount of whining). Taking responsibility gives you power. Placing blame takes it away.

There will be those days you might slip into a state of self-pity. What then?
Take action.
Take some kind of action. It almost doesn’t matter what. You’ll keep yourself from wallowing in the self-pity gutter plus you might even make something good happen.
When you take action, you take responsibility. Simple as that.

2009

“How was 2008 for you? Was it great? Was it less than great? I have good news for you too, this is your chance to punch the reset button and start anew.
I love this time of the year. January 1 is a chance to be reborn. No matter who you are or where you are now, everyone comes back to the starting line again. Once the clock strikes midnight on December 31, all the pains, joys, successes, or failures are wiped clean, and the door on the previous year shuts forever. All you bring forward are the wisdoms you have gained from the years thus traveled.”
Darren Hardy, Publisher, Success Magazine

Let’s start a movement, you and I. First, let me explain…
By most measures my life kind of, well… sucks right now. I simply did not have the best year. Much of what’s at issue with me right now is my fault.
I’ve been irresponsible at times.
I’ve let my emotions make decisions for me.
I’ve made more than my fair share of mistakes.
All this accounts for the position I’m in right now. I take full responsibility for the mistakes I’ve made. What I won’t do, however, is take all the blame. I know this sounds like the merest semantic difference to many of you, but it makes perfect sense to me. Not all of my problems are completely my fault. I’ve been lied to and screwed over. I’ve been badly mistreated by people who I once thought cared about me and my future.
C’ vest la vie. So what now?
Now is a great opportunity to reassess where you’re at in your life and set some goals on how you’re going to make 2009 the best year of your life (or in my case, at least better than 2008… which shouldn’t be too hard).
You can set goals in just about any sphere of your life. It’s up to you.
· Relationships- Are there some relationships you need to shore up? Maybe there’s some you need to get out of. I know it sounds harsh to more or less kick people out of your life, but that is one area that I’ve had some success in throughout the past year. I’ve gotten some very negative people away from me and made room for those who have a much more positive influence on me and my life (if you think I’m referring to you, you’re probably right).
· Health- You might need to lose some weight. You might need to get more fit. It doesn’t matter which. Just freakin’ do it!
· Career- Maybe this is the year you get your career back on track, get promoted or finally get the schooling you need. Whatever the case may be, let’s make 2009 the year you finally get it done.

Here are my goals…
· Be the best dad I can. This is, without question, my most important goal.
· Get a new job. A good one, with a great company.
· Get published. I’m full of big talk about being a writer. Let’s see if I can make a go of it.

Just so you don’t think I’m all doom and gloom, I have to say that despite the rather considerable rough spots I’ve experienced in 2008, I’ve managed to experience some wonderful things…
· I have the most amazing children you can imagine. The three of them never cease to amaze me and never cease to make me want to be a better person and a better dad.
· I’ve had the good fortune to make the acquaintance of one of the finest people I have ever known, someone who believes in me and cares for me no matter what. I can’t thank you enough for all you’ve done for me.

So here’s what I propose we all do…
Push your limits…
Be fearless…
Kick some ass…
Etc…
I hope you want to join me on this quest- if you do, leave a comment on this blog entry. I once inspired someone with something I wrote. I hope I've done that for you today. So let's start a movement, you and I. Let's make 2009 the best year we possibly can.