Those Dating Sites

I was once a big proponent of these dating sites that are all over the internet.  I've been fortunate in that I've been able to spend some time with a couple attractive, intelligent women because of them.  I even wrote a very positive article about my experiences on such sites.

I think I'm done with them, though.

I'll be honest... I would really like to meet a nice woman.  I'm not asking for much, really.  Sure, I'd want her to be attractive.  Physical attraction is part of the equation to be sure, but she doesn't have to be a raving beauty.  I'd also like to meet someone intelligent.  I'm not talking Mensa intelligent, though that has its charms.  I merely want someone who can put together a coherent sentence, be it verbal or written, someone who has interests and ambitions beyond whatever happens to be on TV any given night.  Lastly, I'd like to meet someone nice... just a woman who is thoughtful, kind and considerate.

So again, I really don't think I'm asking for much.

One problem I frequently ran into is that of communication.  I can't count the number of times that I'd be corresponding with a nice woman, someone I was actually looking forward to meeting, and then... nothing.  I'd often be left wondering what I said or did.  I still have no idea.  I'm respectful, unlike so many of the other men that populate these sites, yet it doesn't seem that I get treated with respect in turn.  I feel it's rather rude to be communicating with someone and then cut it off with absolutely no indication as to why.  I treat people better than that so I would expect the same from others.  I guess it's easy to be rude behind the veil of anonymity that the internet provides.

The other side of the communication issue is that of people's spelling and grammar.  Granted, I'm a writer, so this is something of a hot button for me (plus, I know mine's not perfect), but there are some basics of English that people should have learned in the fourth grade or earlier.  One example... it appears that very few people know the difference between their, they're and there.  Seriously.

My frustration stems, in large part, from my feeling that I have a lot to offer in a relationship.  I'm thoughtful, intelligent, romantic and (I've been told) not bad looking.  I'm not one of these people that feels they HAVE to be in a romantic relationship, but I do know that having a good relationship with a good woman can have a positive effect on my life.  I also know that I deserve to be treated far better than I have been.

Why It's a Good Thing To Fail

There was a day, not so long ago actually, that I had envisioned a very bright future… in fact, it was all within my grasp.  It was taken from me in fairly short order.  I felt pretty much defeated.  When that happens, you have two options…

You can give up and become one of those sad-eyed people you see walking around, those people whose downward stares seem to mirror the trajectory of their lives. 

You can always take the better alternative, however.

Fight back.

Take back your life. 

Soldier on. 

Call it what you will, but ultimately I’m talking about not giving up, no matter what.

Today I had to deal with the fallout of one of the aforementioned defeats.  It was something I had been dreading, one of those things I had put off for far too long.  I did it, and you know what?  It wasn’t nearly as bad as I had anticipated.  In fact, I would daresay I’m a better man for having done it.  That doesn’t change the fact that I had to spend the remainder of the day dealing with some rather strong emotions and regrets… that was to be expected.  Consider it dealt with.  I can now look in the mirror with no small measure of pride that I finally did the right thing by myself and the other parties involved.

It was mid-morning, just today, and I logged on to Facebook.  I saw a post by a good friend of mine that really hit home for me.  It was as if she knew what was going on and posted this for my benefit.I left her a comment…  “Thank you for posting the exact perfect thing at the exact perfect time. Amazing.”

I’ll let you read it too.  Shalom, the floor is yours…

 (These are some thoughts I wanted to share, after a recent discussion with some business colleagues)

"Failure will either kill you or make you stronger."

I think it's good to fail, to feel the pain and loneliness of having your dreams dashed and your hard work turned to dust...and then look around you and realize that no one can build you up again, except yourself and you can either sit in your ruins and cry forever or you can make something of yourself. Something different. Something better. You won't make the same mistakes you did before and although you may fail again, it won't be to such great degree as it was before. With each failure, you come back 10x stronger. But you have to be willing to cut off the dying parts, if you want something better to grow there (think gardening - plants pour a lot of regrowth energy into newly trimmed/pruned parts and the whole plant gets healthier over time - every time I pull a dead leaf off my geranium, a new bud grows in it's place).

They say that the the definition of "insanity" is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

How this relates to business: the key to getting sales is really simple - having products people WANT at a price they are willing to PAY and creating paths for these people to FIND YOU. If you aren't selling, it's because one of these 3 key ingredients is missing. It may be painful to admit that to yourself, especially if you have been working hard, but nothing's going to change until you accept that fact and move on.

Having failed many times at various different things, I speak from experience. I haven't "arrived" yet, but I'm a lot farther along than when I first started out in this business (4 years ago) and I've learned to separate my "artistic emotions" from my business instincts. It really has made all the difference in the world.

-Shalom-"

In addition to being wise beyond her years, Shalom is also a talented artist.  You can see (and maybe even purchase!) her works here...

http://www.shalomscottagehome.com